Holy smokes I'm 50

About that mountain…

I turned 50 in the middle of July.

50 feels … big. It sounds so … grown up.

It’s definitely an inflection point for moi. Our child is fledging, this is middle age for sure, it brings a reckoning of where I am and how much I have left to do, plus, not for nothing, there’s a whole menopause situation happening.

It’s … a lot.

I’ve been waxing philosophical about my next 50 years (inshallah), and three little vignettes keep popping to mind. Thus, this week of Notes from an Unruly Quaker will be a little different.

DAY 1: VIGNETTE 1.

The time: several years ago

The place: a fundraising mixer for fantastic local nonprofit Book Harvest. My name tag identified me as a member of their Authors’ Circle.

I’d been having lovely conversations with board members, community members, and the director, wonderful folks all.

Suddenly, a well-put-together white woman (do you know what I mean? She looks like an ADULT. Perfect coiffure, dressed in a outfit from Talbot’s, Nordstrom’s, or Chico’s) backed into me.

Well-Put-Together White Woman: Oh Dear! Excuse me.

Me: [smiling] No worries.

WPTW Woman: [eyeing my nametag] Well hello. My, you’re an author.

Me: Yes. Hello. I’m J. J. Nice to meet you.

WPTW Woman: Yes. Actually … [grabs friend, a similarly well-put-together white woman, from nearby] … This is my dear friend Sally. J. J., since you’re an author, you’d probably like to hear this. Sally here is selling a ski mountain in Vermont.

Me: [a thousand million thoughts running through my head. Mostly: WTF?!] …

WPTW Woman: Perhaps that is something you might be interested in?

Me: … I’ll … keep it in mind?

— end scene —

HOW THE SAUSAGE ACTUALLY GETS MADE, OR: WHY SALLY MIGHT BE BARKING UP THE WRONG TREE

Y’all. I THINK there MIGHT BE some SLIGHT misconceptions about writing, publishing, and how lucrative the book industry is.

Full disclosure: I would guess I made about $3760 on my books - for the entire year - that year I was asked if I was interested in BUYING A SKI MOUNTAIN.

AND THAT WAS A REALLY GOOD YEAR BECAUSE I HAD JUST SIGNED A BOOK DEAL AND WAS EARNING MONEY FROM MY PREVIOUS BOOKS.

Whew, sorry for shouting. I just … I still can’t believe it. Who buys a ski mountain?

Don’t get me wrong. I love being a writer.

Seeing my books on bookshelves is literally a dream come true. Each book feels like something I put into the world, it’s own little dispatch, that hopefully becomes a help or comfort to its reader/s.

And I love my publisher, editor, and agent. Truly. I’ve been fortunate. In a turbulent industry, they have been remarkably stable. They have treated me with honesty, humility, humor, patience, and humanity.

But/and. Let’s talk turkey.

For each of my three novels published in the U.S., I received a $5000 advance. That means $2500 on signing and $2500 when I submitted the fully edited manuscript, usually the next year.

My agent gets the industry standard of 15% of everything I earn.

And this is all pre-tax.

With no benefits.

An advance works like this: it’s kind of like a loan from your publisher. You pay it back with royalties from your book sales. Many authors never pay back their advance and their earnings end there.

If you sell enough books, you pay back your advance. Then and only then you start getting royalty checks.

Royalties are the portion of a book sale you, the author, earn money on.

Depending on a lot of variables, which your agent hammers out with your publisher, royalties often come out to around about 10% of your full-priced book, minus the 15% your agent gets.

So I get roughly $1.40 per hardcover, 85 cents per paperback. Less on ebooks.

And: authors get zero royalties on used book sales.

And remember: this is all pre-tax.

ANYWAY MY POINT IS

I’m a writer. I write.

I can’t not write.

Believe me, I’ve tried. Because writing is work, and writing as a job, as a vocation? It spits you up and chews you out. Or something like that.

But writing is how I make sense of the world. And it’s how I communicate and connect and share my questions and insights, such as they are.

It’s how I come alive.

“Don't ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”

— Rev. Howard Thurman, mystic, civil rights activist

My goal, my wish as I enter my second half of life is to make a decent living from writing and social justice work.

Here’s me, making my wish, in my Great Cosmic Echidna shirt. Cake by Son and mom. Shirt from Husband. Wish come true by - you.

Writing needs to do most of the heavy lifting, because the justice work is in places that are terribly underfunded and only becoming moreso.

Here’s where you come in.

To make a living - which also means being able to afford health insurance (possibly even dental!? and mental health coverage?! Hey, a girl can dream!) and some retirement savings, I have a goal of at least 500 paid subscribers here on Substack.

This can happen. This is imminently do-able. But only with your help to grow.

Y’all can help by:

• becoming a paid subscriber - I can’t do this without you.

• sharing posts with friends - forward these NFUQ emails or click the share buttons

• sharing NFUQ on your social media/s, with a note about why you like it

• giving gift subscriptions

Those of you who are currently paid subscribers, please know you are literally making my second-half of life dream come true.

That sounds cheesy, but it is REAL.

Those of you who are not yet paid subscribers, I am humbly asking you to consider joining the paid subscriber team.

Are these dispatches and the work behind them worth treating yours truly to an iced coffee and big cookie every month?

I think so.

I wouldn’t ask if I didn’t.

You don’t even have to leave your house.

But if you do want to go out meet up, let me know!

If you can’t afford to pay: I’m still figuring out an equitable, accessible model of NGUQ.

Please reach out to me for a personalized subscriber level, subsidy, or barter if you are financially strapped.

Meanwhile, HUGE things you can do to help without a paid subscription:

• Keep reading. It means so much to me!

• SHARE, SHARE, SHARE. Forward emails, share on your socials.

• Write a snippet of a review - what you like about NFUQ - and send it to me to use as advertising and endorsements.

Everyone - thank you all so much.

As I look around at these first 50 years of life, I want each of you to know how profoundly grateful I am for you.

For being my friend.

For reading my work.

For being in community.

Blessings on your heads.

Until tomorrow,

Xoxo