In my early twenties, I was struggling. I’d moved to a new town after college. I was scraping by month to month with a hodgepodge of low-paying jobs.
I cast about wildly but could not find a place where I felt I belonged.
I was debilitatingly lonely.
Where did one find friends as an adult? Without being weird about it?
Would I ever feel like I belonged somewhere again, like I had felt in college?
Would I always feel this new hole in the pit of my stomach? Was this the new normal?
And. Would I ever find “the one”?
What was I supposed to do?
Loneliness, I was learning, cuts clean through every part of your life.
And then one day, on my twice-weekly visit to the library, I came upon a notion that changed everything.
Paraphrasing from a book, it was:
"The only way to guarantee your life is filled with love is to be the most loving person you can be."
Holy smokes.
I'd been going about it all wrong.
I'd been looking for love from the outside: trying to make friends, choose the right career, find a partner, maybe get a dog.
And all those things are fine, and worthwhile.
But *even if* you make friends, find a partner, do good work, adopt a dog -- they come with no guarantee of love.
(Well, except maybe the dog.)
It was like I was trying to superglue petals onto my rickety, lonely stem and call myself a flower. Maybe I would tick the categories for flower, but that would be a decrepit, fragile beauty. False and unsustainable … unless you get hyper-vigilant about the cling of the glue. Unless you remain completely unmoving, to keep those petals attached.
That’s not how flowering plants work.
(Plus, you sure aren’t helping the ecosystem.)
No, I needed to tend my roots.
I needed to center down and develop love and compassion from the inside-out. That’s how I would bud and flower.
I needed to love me, and every person I met, and every leaf and gust of wind.
The only way you can guarantee your life is filled with love is to be the most loving person you can be.
Anyway.
Happy Monday, y'all.
May your lives be filled with love in all its forms.
XOXO
Just chirping into the digital void here, but sending you a note (hopefully a sweet little trill) to let you know that I do read, and very much love, your writing! Today's piece was genius-level true!